When it comes to the art of communication, we, of course, use it in every area of our lives, and relationships are no different. How you talk to your spouse or potential love interest will greatly determine how that relationship unfolds and blossoms.
One effective but also highly enjoyable way to communicate with someone you are romantically interested in is by flirting with them. However, the trick is to be subtly with your communication and body language, but at the same time, giving them enough of an inkling that you may indeed be interested in them romantically.
Two of the primary ways we flirt is through our speech and our body language. By speech, we also mean the words you use, the tone of your voice and the tempo you use.
Flirting Subtly With Your Words
Using your words effectively
When it comes to your choice of words, you want to be selective and use ambiguity. When you are ambiguous and vague it creates curiosity in the other person as to what exactly you may have meant and if you are possibly interested in them. Of course, in most conversational situations you don’t want to be ambiguous with your words as as this will just cause all kinds of confusion. However, with flirting, it can sometimes be fun to use a little ambiguity. Here is a great explanation of ambiguous communication.
Using words that possibly could have a sexual ambiguity or connotation to them in a particular context is a great way to subtly put sexual ideas in the person’s head, but at the same time, causing them to wonder in a fun way if you did that on purpose or if it is just the way they are perceiving it. However, use this with causing and build up to it slowly. Guage their reaction to what you are saying to see how comfortable they are with flirting. If you are dealing with a shy guy then it may put him off if you come on too strong too quickly.
Tonality and tempo
Tonality is everything when it comes to flirting. To me more causal and less obvious you can say something with a sexual ambiguity in your normal speaking voice, which will cause the person to wonder if you really are flirting with them or not. However, if you slightly lean on the connotative word and look directly in the person’s eyes at the same time then this will send a stronger intention that you are definitely flirting and you are comfortable and confident in doing so. When you lean on the word slightly you will need to lower and soften your tonality.
Changing from your normal speaking voice to a move softer, quieter and slower way of speaking can have tremendously powerful effects on the other person.
Another great trick to use it to change your tempo by slowing down your speech slightly when you talk about something flirty or mildly sexual. Inserting pauses at strategic places in the conversation, slowing down your speech and then inserting pauses occasionally can create a high state of intrigue and arousal.
Flirting Subtly With Your Body Language
Of course, flirting would not be complete without the use of proper body language. Using your body language correctly is also a very effective way of getting rapport with someone and is also extremely important in flirting. Basically, you want to get the person to the point where they feel comfortable talking to you, being in your presence and even having close proximity with you, but at the same time maintaining that exciting sexual tension between the two of you when talking. See our article on rapport here.
Eye contact is hugely important when flirting with someone. Be sure to look into their eyes when you are flirting and also soften your gaze slightly like you are enjoying what you are looking at. Allowing your eyes to linger on theirs for just a second longer or what would normally be considered just a second longer than normal can be very effective. When you move your gaze away from the other person, occasionally doing so slowly like you are not wanting to take your gaze away from theirs can also signify that you are enjoying what you are looking at.
When flirting, you can do so just with your eyes and with our without your words. By looking into their eyes, then at one eye, then to the other, then down to their mouth, then back up to their eyes again. This technique is known as the eye triangle and can be very alluring.
There is also another great reason for maintaining eye contact frequently as it can tell you a huge amount about the person you are talking to. It is beyond the scope of this article to go into this in much detail so you can learn more here at psychologistworld.com.
The way in which you stand can denote confidence and also if you may be interested in the person. When you are flirting, stand square on to them and lean in slightly closer so you are just inside their personal space. If they also like you being close then they will either not move away or they will lean in slightly closer to you too.
Men love it when a woman is slightly submissive as it makes them feel strong and that they want to take care of her. A great way for a woman to do this is to come in closer to the guy when she’s talking to him and look up and into his eyes, so he is looking slightly downwards towards her. She also needs to relax her face in a submissive way and have her eyes open and receptive. Here is more important information on the correct way to stand and use your body language in all kinds of communication.
https://www.skillsyouneed.com is a great resource of all kinds of skills when it comes to dealing with people. They have great info on body language, personal skills, learning skills and much more.
Give these flirting tricks a try and see how you get on. You will need to practice for a while so we recommend practicing in a mirror until you get the techniques natural and smooth. Once you feel confident that you are coming across in the right way give them a go in real life, it’s a lot of fun!